Part of the columnists job - well, most of the columnist's job, really - is asking questions and then giving a shot at some answers. Reporters ask questions and then report the answers, but those are the 5 W's and the big H: concrete things with little room for abstraction. With this sort of gig you get to ask questions of yourself, and the answers are sometimes surprising.

But every so often, you just have to sigh and admit that, as good as a question may be, you don't have enough of an answer to justify an entire column. Not without belaboring the point and spinning off into endless tangents, anyway. Around here we call that beating a horse to death, and I like my horses to be in good shape when they charge out of the stable and into your living room.

As a result, I've got all these questions that I can either answer in a word or less, or that I haven't found an answer to myself. And it seems a shame to see them waste away in the "Needs Work" folder for want of a sudden flash of insight.

So, in the spirit of being a good old-fashioned, all-American pain in the ass - or at least trying my hand at emulating Andy Rooney - I'd like to share these questions with you. Feel free to shout out or ponder the answers, and don't feel too bad if you don't have one for all of them. There's some real stumpers, here...

Ready...?

* If you love our grand old flag so much, why did it take the deaths of nearly 3000 New Yorkers to get you to finally go and buy one?

* Why is it that anyone who dares question or critique pre-911 American foreign policy "hates America?"

* No - really. Why?

* And... if you're so patriotic, why don't you vote?

* Why is it that the Soviets took years to admit defeat in Afghanistan, but we kicked major ass in the space of a few months?

* Why is it that Americans think our media is pro-Palestinian, but Muslim Arabs think our media is pro-Israeli?

* If the news of Afghani civilian deaths are mostly "Taliban propaganda," then why is the "propaganda" continuing to come out - and reports increase in number - in spite of the Taliban's near-defeat?

* If we did as some have suggested, and hold previous Presidents criminally liable for mistakes that may have led to 9/11, should we not extend that same culpability to any other unfortunate situation caused by a President, or at least encouraged by their Administration?

* If so, would there be any living Presidents not in jail?

* If you didn't vote in the past, are you going to vote in the next election?

* Does or does not Donald Rumsfield look like the sort of person you'd have turned down for a dance in Middle School?

* On a related note, am I the only one who thought Dee Dee Myers was a Muppet in disguise?

* Do you know what "Jihad" really means? Does it bother you when people "in the know" continue to mistranslate it?

* Why did no one call for us to nuke Israel when members of the Jewish Defense League were caught trying to plant bombs in California? Especially when one of the targets was a Congressional Representative? If it hadn't been the JDL, but members of an Islamic extremist group from a Muslim country, would that country not be a parking lot right now?

* Are you even registered to vote?

* If the Muslim world is really completely behind Osama Bin Laden, why haven't we been suddenly overwhelmed by an attack of 1.5 billion angry people?

* Why are we making so much noise about limited personal, religious and political freedom in the Middle East, when we've supported regimes in South and Central America and Asia whose leaders limited personal, religious and political freedom? Or were our "friendly fascists" okay because they were kick-ass anti-communists?

* Does it bother you when friends and family send around racist cartoons and jokes to their email lists? If so, have you said anything as the current crop of anti-Arab and anti-Muslim ones make its way to your in-box?

* Do Ari Fleischer's willful obfuscations in the public record make you wince, or - after years of Clintonian spin - are you content to be led about by the nose?

* We backed, trained and armed Osama Bin Laden as part of our shadow-war against the Soviet Union. Now he's become a liability. How many other CIA-produced human timebombs are still out there, ticking away...?

* Am I the only one bothered that our role in creating Osama has been glossed over?

* Is it possible for a non-Israeli/Jew to criticize Israeli foreign and domestic policy without being labeled an anti-semite?

* On the flip side of that, is it possible for a non-Arab/Muslim to criticize Arab and Muslim behavior without being labeled a Zionist stooge?

* Does the fact that you don't vote bother you in even the slightest bit?

* Have the horror stories coming out of the mass detentions changed your mind about the wisdom of the action, or are you still firm in the belief that it's better to act heavily in haste and repent lightly at leisure?

* Would you feel differently if a family member of yours had been given the same treatment?

* Are you disturbed at how lax American airport "security" has turned out to be?

* On the flip side of that, do you think their laxity is an excuse to turn America into something resembling Oceania, all in the name of "security"?

* As a rider to the above: did you get the literary reference?

* Are you alarmed at the notion of Geraldo Rivera, in Afghanistan, with a gun?

* If you didn't vote in the last election, do you feel a little stupid while saying that Dubya "stole" it?

* Isn't it ironic that we're fighting a war against fascistic, closed-minded religious fanatics overseas, and yet you can see "concerned Christian parents" denounce Harry Potter books as the Devil's work right here in America?

* Come to think of it, would life under the Christian Coalition be any better than life under the average, Muslim government?

* And if you've come to the realization - unlike most chicken-littles have - that the Christian Coalition have as much a chance of being voted into power as I have of being named the next Sultan of Brunei, then why are we seriously afraid of anyone voting a Muslim government into power? If the Coalition's "stealth candidates" didn't work, how could "stealth mullahs"?

And, lastly - one of my personal favorites...

* Do you feel any less confident in our Attorney General when you consider that he lost a Senate race to a corpse?

"It is not in MY power to EFFECT the change. I haven't the MIGHT. I am not the ANSWER. I am only the QUESTION."

The Question, from "The Dark Knight Strikes Again" - Frank Miller